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The Elastic Band Theory Article II | Local residents’ association Facebook group mistaken for terrorist cell
Article I By Connor St. James, local reporter 18th November A local residents’ Facebook group was investigated by police this week after incendiary and violent language was flagged up on Facebook’s system. Police raided the home of Mrs. Barbara Ophelia Nightingale Masters-Preston, president of the Wisteria Avenue Residents’ Group (WARG) which was holding its fortnightly… Continue reading
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The Elastic Band Theory Article I | Local homeowners complain about neighbour’s elastic garden ornaments
By Connor St. James, local reporter 4th September Residents of Wisteria Avenue, Upton Chipping-on-the-River, have officially complained to Upton Chipping-on-the-River Council about the eccentric garden ornament choices of their neighbour, Ms. Tiffany Crawley. According to the Wisteria Avenue Residents’ Group (WARG), Ms. Crawley, who is originally from Glasgow, is thought to have moved to the… Continue reading
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The Sea Witch’s Revenge Part III

Part I / Part II ‘So you will ask your grandfather tonight?’ ‘Yeah. We always have him round for dinner. I’ll… I’ll see you at school tomorrow?’ Roger nodded. ‘Good luck.’ The next day Roger didn’t cross paths with Jimmy once. Given the size of their school, this was a cause of mild concern. Perhaps… Continue reading
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The Sea Witch’s Revenge Part II

Part I ‘Are you here to steal the coral?’ ‘Maybe,’ Roger replied. Jimmy stuffed his hands in his pockets. ‘That coral carries a curse. If you touch it, you’ll never be able to go near the sea again.’ Roger found he was not surprised. In fact, if he examined his feelings, he would discover that… Continue reading
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The Sea Witch’s Revenge Part I

Once upon a time, there was a boy who wanted to be a merman. He knew it was supposed to be the other way around — a mermaid wanting to become human — but the heart what it wants, and he wanted to own a tail, breathe underwater, and talk to fish. After years of… Continue reading
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Everyday Acts of Murder: Dog Walking

On good days, Marlborough Park field was just the right side of pretty. Sun glinted off fences and goalposts while bright, bushy grass hid litter and dog excrement from immediate view. Although Marlborough Park was just off a main road, the traffic was strangely muffled, and walking one’s dog around the park’s perimeter was often… Continue reading
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Everyday Acts of Murder: Gardening

Finding a corpse in his compost heap was not what Graham Peters expected to do when he embarked on an afternoon of gardening one spring Sunday, but he had to admit it was more intriguing than deadheading. Which was a funny choice of words, given that the corpse was dismembered. A limb here, a digit… Continue reading
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Everyday Acts of Murder: Housework

‘Reg, dear, would you mind doing the washing up?’ Clarissa asked her husband as he slouched on the sofa. The TV was showing something sport-related, and the volume was one notch higher than Clarissa found comfortable. ‘Hm?’ ‘The washing up,’ Clarissa repeated. ‘It’s just that Robbie and Hannah will be here soon.’ In fact, they… Continue reading
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Everyday Acts of Murder: Driveways

‘Did you know,’ Elisa announced from her perch at the bay window, duster hanging limply from one hand, ‘that number seven down the road have four cars? A Beetle, a transit van and a Range Rover. And a Beetle.’ Her husband, Anthony, wasn’t sure if the family at number seven had a fondness for… Continue reading
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Community Spirit (as seen in Trawler magazine)
Originally published in Trawler magazine, November 2016. As long as Cicely had lived in her village, which was as long as she could remember, she loved to count trees as their leaves turned each autumn. She liked to compare trees along her road to ones she spotted on walks into town, and judge them on… Continue reading
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