writer life
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The Elastic Band Theory Article V | Local artist sells elastic effigy of Botticelli’s ‘The Birth of Venus’ to the highest bidder
Article I Article II Article III Article IV By Connor St. James, local reporter 3rd March Upton Chipping-on-the-River resident Ms. Tiffany Crawley has sold a life-sized depiction of Botticelli’s The Birth of Venus, for the sum of £100,000. Ms. Crawley, a Glaswegian artist who has lived in the Turks and Caicos Islands, sold her most… Continue reading
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The Elastic Band Theory Article IV | Rubber price soars as UK faces shortage
Article I Article II Article III By Connor St. James, local reporter 22nd January The price of rubber in the UK has soared this week to record levels. Leaf blight has infected rubber trees in Thailand, Malaysia and Indonesia, the site of most of the world’s rubber plantations, since last October. Given that over 60%… Continue reading
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The Elastic Band Theory Article III | Local resident holds rubber band sculpture exhibition
Article I Article II By Connor St. James, local reporter 20th December Upton Chipping-on-the-River resident Tiffany Crawley has been named as the Upton Chipping-on-the-River Town Hall Museum and Gallery resident artist over the Christmas period. Ms. Crawley is an elastic band sculptor, and has made almost fifty sculptors from elastic bands in the past four… Continue reading
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The Elastic Band Theory Article II | Local residents’ association Facebook group mistaken for terrorist cell
Article I By Connor St. James, local reporter 18th November A local residents’ Facebook group was investigated by police this week after incendiary and violent language was flagged up on Facebook’s system. Police raided the home of Mrs. Barbara Ophelia Nightingale Masters-Preston, president of the Wisteria Avenue Residents’ Group (WARG) which was holding its fortnightly… Continue reading
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The Elastic Band Theory Article I | Local homeowners complain about neighbour’s elastic garden ornaments
By Connor St. James, local reporter 4th September Residents of Wisteria Avenue, Upton Chipping-on-the-River, have officially complained to Upton Chipping-on-the-River Council about the eccentric garden ornament choices of their neighbour, Ms. Tiffany Crawley. According to the Wisteria Avenue Residents’ Group (WARG), Ms. Crawley, who is originally from Glasgow, is thought to have moved to the… Continue reading
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Everyday Acts of Murder: Dog Walking

On good days, Marlborough Park field was just the right side of pretty. Sun glinted off fences and goalposts while bright, bushy grass hid litter and dog excrement from immediate view. Although Marlborough Park was just off a main road, the traffic was strangely muffled, and walking one’s dog around the park’s perimeter was often… Continue reading
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Community Spirit (as seen in Trawler magazine)
Originally published in Trawler magazine, November 2016. As long as Cicely had lived in her village, which was as long as she could remember, she loved to count trees as their leaves turned each autumn. She liked to compare trees along her road to ones she spotted on walks into town, and judge them on… Continue reading
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